Monday

Monday morning began routinely as all others: 5:15 wake-up, shower, outfit decisions for me and the sleeping toddler, Channel 12 for weather, info, and a dose of unhealthy female body image and unrealistic beauty ideals? It’s too early for this BS. The last time I was this offended by a commercial, Saturday morning cartoons were hijacked by an American Girl ad reminding us that there’s a doll for every girl, yet featuring four real life blond-haired, blue-eyed pre-teens who represented none of the diversity the brand boasts of. In today’s commercial for Dr. Leonard Grossman, a male provides a voiceover to a woman’s photo shoot:

“…she’s so fresh, new, enigmatic…” – well, she’s remade. She’s false! Is that what you mean by ‘fresh and new’?
“…she’s one of a kind…” – actually, she was one of a kind in her natural, birthed state. Guaranteed there was not another woman like her on earth.
“…she is near perfection…” – *silence*
“…she must know a good plastic surgeon…”

Professionals have a right to provide a service. Individuals have a right to alter their appearance. But to wake up to the idea that what we’re born with can’t be perfect, beautiful, satisfying? I think of the girls I work with who struggle daily with recognizing and honoring their unique beauty, and how these messages about perfection hinder their process…as if it’s not difficult enough. #ConsiderIt

School’s Out!!! Wait, Not Yet???

Working in NYC schools is a beautiful beast where every day is unpredictable, yet contains hourly elements of deja vu. Days blend together and moments can be summed up in reference to a (school) year or class (i.e. our 2nd year, the freshmen, the 2014-15 school year, or [class of] 2018). And each time you say and feel that today was the worst day ever and you won’t make it through another, you somehow return in the morning with renewed energy and love in your heart for these young people and all of their promise and dysfunction, with a genuine smile on your face because educators are just awesome that way!

As much as I love the work I do and the kids that I devote myself to, I long for a break from it all, and summer can’t come soon enough. Here are some things I won’t miss at all come June 26th. At least not until September:

Phrases:
– You get me tight. (She get me tight. He get me tight. They get me tight.)
– I don’t care about these girls (boys/people/kids/teachers).
– I don’t come here for to make friends (yet all they want to do is socialize, and most of their time out of class is spent repairing and maintaining friendships and relationships).
– She’s my best friend. (SO WHAT they just met a few weeks ago?!)
– Why do I have to smile in everyone’s face when I don’t like them? (because smiling is better than mean-mugging everyone for no reason.)
– I hate this school/place. (no, you don’t.)
– I’m transferring. (no, you’re not.)
– I hate this uniform. (So what. There are plenty of schools where you don’t have to wear uniforms, but we’ve already established that you’re not transferring there.)
– deez nuts! (everything old is new again.)
– I! don’t! care! (claps on each word)

Occurrences:
– kids calling me Miss when they obviously know my name.
– complaints about things that can’t or won’t change
– kids who follow none of the expectations, yet are constantly asking why they have detention. (Pick a reason. Any reason.)
– covering classes
– March. There are no breaks in this dang month.

It’s been a great school year…now please hurry up and get to me to summer before I lose my mind!

Mother’s Day 2008 & 2015

Happy Mother’s Day! I’ve been enjoying a beautiful day with the family. I spied out my bedroom window to see our expectant neighbors celebrating mother’s day with a baby shower in their backyard. What an awesome time! I remember that feeling of anticipation, excitement and worry all rolled into one consistent jumble of emotions (that I miss so much!).

Reminiscing on my first mother’s day…

     <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

It’s Sunday, May 11th, 2008 – my first mother’s day. Though Noon Ellis is still in my belly, I’m a mother, nonetheless. I think like a mother, I protect like a mother, I try to eat like a mother. I discipline like a mother, I speak like a mother, I respect other mothers like a mother. I worry like a mother. Good Lord, I’m a mother!

It’s bittersweet, sitting here in La Quinta hotel in California, just me and Baby J. The 42 kids and 9 adults that I am here with are on a rafting expedition today, and most advised me to stay back, so I have. It’s symbolic of something to be sitting here, just the 2 of us, on Mother’s Day. It means something to be in California while Daddy is back in Brooklyn working hard on the apartment that our new family will occupy. Oh well, we have Father’s Day to be together. Noon will still be in my belly then, too.

His kicks are now making their way to my ribcage, his body parts sticking me in places that I have to unstick them from in order to keep moving normally myself. I can imagine these little feet and hands that I’ll soon know in person, intimately. I’ll kiss his fingers and his toes, and marvel at the fact that he’s mine – he’s ours – made from us. His DNA is gonna be not only mommy and daddy, but grandmas and grandpas and their mommies and daddies. It’s amazing.

Watch Your *Text* Tone.

Text Tone (TT) – the tone that is conveyed or perceived in messages sent via text. *Girlfriend Text Tone (GTT) – the text tone specifically between girlfriends.

Examples:

Me: Hey girl, how’s it going?
You: Girl. Is it Friday yet?!
= positive text tone (PTT). I know you’re feeling some kind of way, but not at me. And you’re showing that you know you can vent to me, if necessary. If the convo starts and ends here, nobody is left feeling dumped, the relationship still feels valuable to both parties, and it’s a way to check in without having to exert a bunch of energy or time.

Me: Hey girl, how you?
You: Good. And you?
= negative text tone (NTT). Did we downgrade to associates without me knowing?

Me: Hey girl! What’s new???
You: Hey. Not much.
= NTT. Ok, so you don’t know that even if the answer is “nothing” there are countless PTT responses? If your friends are like me they’ll vow (to themselves) not to text you again, but instead wait until you text first, at which time they’ll demonstrate PTT.

Three PTT alternatives for the last example could have been:
1. Ugh. Not a damn thing!
2. Grindin’, as usual. (insert bored emoji) What’s new with you?
3. You already know. (insert eye roll emoji) How about you?

Does this issue lie with me? Am I the one who’s too sensitive when it comes to text tone? I’m always aware of responding to my girlfriends in a way that communicates that I’m happy and even grateful to hear from them, regardless of whatever nonsense I was going through up until our point of contact. Considering how moody I am, this takes work. I rarely speak to people on the phone, so my text communication is primary, and key. Maybe it’s the Leo/writer/educator in me that makes me so prudent with my words and tone. Truth is, I don’t like to have to apologize or justify my words and actions.

My tip for those who care: make sure your text tone could be delivered with a smile. Or, get friends who won’t read into your text tone as deeply as SOME people might. Hmph.

How We’re Raising a “Cheerful” Child

A few months ago, our son’s first grade teacher asked that we write an article for the class newsletter about how we’re managing to raise a child who is so “cheerful”. We brushed off the first two requests, unsure about whether or not she was serious. We were given a deadline on the third request, and for fear of being ousted by teacher Jenny, we submitted the following. 

It’s easy for parents to brag about their own child. Of course, we experience them at their worst – the whining, crying, demanding, resisting…but at their best, they’re our pride and joy, our shining stars. However, it’s still humbling when someone acknowledges the good in our little ones. Recently, we were asked how our son manages to be so cheerful. His dad and I had to ask each other, ‘is our child cheerful’? It’s true, there is an overall pleasantness about him, though neither of us has ever used that word to describe him. We’d like to attribute it to him acquiring the best from the two of us, but we know it’s not that simple. In discussing it with one another we came up with a list of things we do that we believe contribute to our son’s “cheerfulness”.

1. Have hugs and kisses time daily (typically around 6pm, but can occur at any moment).
2. Have ‘real’ conversations about things that help him feel smart and important.
3. Share our bed on weekends.
4. Laugh, dance, sing and perform together.
5. Dream out loud, sharing our personal and collective dreams with one another.
6. Speak love, using no negative words (i.e. stupid, dumb, hate, shut up).
7. Create together through art and play.
8. Surround ourselves with close family and friends.
9. Teach the art of giving and sharing (i.e. helping hand, a smile, toys).

If you ask 10 parents you’ll surely get 10 different lists, but your child will let you know what makes him or her beam from the inside out. Run with that, and enjoy the cheer cultivated in your home!